Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I have to start a blog . . . so I did

AJ hates having his toe nails clipped. HATES it. Screaming, crying, kicking, and generally freaking out is pretty much the norm. He's been like that with his toe nails since he's been born. We got away with it for a long time as I think the crawling around on carpet in bare feet would file the nails down for us!! His finger nails? No problem whatsoever. None. Heck, he'll even cut them himself.

So the nails on his one foot in particular have gotten pretty ridiculous. On Sunday night, I decided to do something about it. When I went up to bed, around 10:30 or so, I brought with me not a flashlight, but a head lamp. Yes, a head lamp like a miner would use. I got it as a White Elephant gift this past Christmas and I figured this would be the most logical way to break it in.

I crept into his room and went to the foot (no pun intended) of his bed. Nail clippers in hand, I went under the comforter and crawled, commando style, to my target. Socks. The kid won't sleep without socks on. Slowly, I removed one of his socks. Great Scott! I had not seen his toe nails, up close anyway, in quite sometime. Ever see the picture of that lady with finger nails like 3 feet long and they are all curled under? Yeah? Well, it didn't look like that, but still. He was sleeping on his belly, so his nails were facing down. This was going to be tricky.

At this point, Meg had come upstairs. She knew the plan and was there to draw fire, should AJ wake up. I was trying to think of what would go through his mind if he woke up, looked under his covers, and saw me with a head lamp on, one of his socks off, and clipper in hand. That it would have been ugly is all I can say for sure.

And so I started clipping. I opted for the unorthodox little-toe-to-big-toe strategy. I figured I needed to get out of there with as few clips as possible. I wasn't trying to get points for neatness and so I was unsure about going for the honking big toe first and having to make multiple clips. I need to start with a clip-to-toe ratio that was in my favor.

Clip - little toe done.
Clip - next toe (ring toe?) done.
Clip - middle toe done.
Clip - index toe(?) done.

I had my little stack of nail clippings piled up for removal upon completion of the mission (I had decided that this would be a one foot job). I was home free -- which, oddly enough, is always right where you are when disaster strikes. He was moving, stirring, whimpering. My wingman, err, Megan pushed my head down to the floor so I'd be out of his sight. I covered my head lamp with my hand for good measure. Meg said, "Hey, AJ" as if she had casually bumped into him at the grocery store and as if there was not a covert toe nail clipping mission going on right under his nose.

He settled down, and I moved back into position. CLIP. The big toe. I knew it would take more than one, and sure enough there it was. The last nail. Hanging there. Taunting me. He moved again. Tossed and turned. I went for it, trying to pull it the rest of the way off. It was there, between my fingers, and just like that I missed my opportunity. I was getting hot under there. It was getting hard to breathe. Suddently, he turned over one last time. This was it. It would be all or nothing. I grabbed his foot to hold it still and I took the shot. Got it. But now I needed to get out of there. I had no time to find the button to turn off the head lamp. So in one motion, I covered the light with my hand, ducked out from beneath the covers, pivoted around to face the door, and as I passed Meg on my way out, I somehow tripped over the 3/8" pile in his carpet and just about took a header into the wall outside of his room.

We made it into our bedroom and nearly collapsed with laughter. After we settled down, Meg said that we should write this down so that we'd always remember it. Somehow, I don't think I'll forget this. The next morning, when he came out of his room, he had his other sock back on. He mentioned that when he woke up, it was lying next to him, so he had just put it back on. I asked him if he had ever heard of the toe nail fairy and he said he hadn't. I dropped the subject.


Mauzy said...

Welcome to blog land! Boy, you "nailed" that story- too cute.

Traci said...

WELCOME to my world! I have been dealing with the same issue with my wild woman!! he he! I have to make an appointment at oh let's see, uhm 2-3 am or it would NEVER get done! Seriously, if you go in at midnight or earlier she wakes right up. Sometimes it takes me over a week to cut 10 toenails and 10 fingernails. Some nights I am lucky if I come out of her room with just ONE cut! I am feeling your pain dude! You can check out my blog if you like, so that you can see my Princess Ash who also HATES having her nails cut

The Imperfect Christian said...

Glad to see another T21 parent blogging!! And thanks for sharing that story!! I tried that a couple of times, but my son sleeps too lightly!

The Two Mirrors said...

Hilarious. I am laughing out loud at work. Great story, and trust me I've been there too. I just so wish I would have thought of the head lamp. The flashlight just makes you try and attempt the entire feat one-handed.


Tammy and Parker said...

Yea! New Blog! Now where in the heck are the GOOD pics? You know the ones of the kids? =)

Anonymous said...

Is there any photogtraphic record of this or just this blog and exaggerations that grow over time?FJK

oakleyses said...

michael kors pas cher, burberry pas cher, longchamp outlet, prada outlet, louis vuitton, ugg boots, jordan pas cher, nike outlet, ray ban sunglasses, christian louboutin uk, nike air max, oakley sunglasses, nike air max, ugg boots, christian louboutin shoes, chanel handbags, polo ralph lauren, longchamp pas cher, sac longchamp pas cher, louboutin pas cher, oakley sunglasses wholesale, kate spade outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike roshe, polo outlet, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, jordan shoes, tory burch outlet, christian louboutin, replica watches, oakley sunglasses, nike free run, longchamp outlet, replica watches, louis vuitton, louis vuitton outlet, uggs on sale, ray ban sunglasses, polo ralph lauren outlet online, gucci handbags, tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton outlet, louis vuitton outlet, oakley sunglasses, air max, nike free, tiffany and co, longchamp outlet

oakleyses said...

timberland pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, true religion outlet, hollister uk, nike air force, mulberry uk, hogan outlet, true religion jeans, nike free uk, oakley pas cher, coach outlet store online, michael kors outlet, north face, michael kors outlet online, nike air max, true religion outlet, michael kors, vans pas cher, hollister pas cher, sac hermes, michael kors outlet online, polo lacoste, burberry handbags, uggs outlet, burberry outlet, ray ban pas cher, michael kors outlet online, kate spade, north face uk, michael kors outlet, new balance, michael kors outlet, ray ban uk, sac vanessa bruno, guess pas cher, nike air max uk, nike roshe run uk, ralph lauren uk, michael kors, michael kors outlet online, abercrombie and fitch uk, converse pas cher, true religion outlet, nike tn, replica handbags, coach purses, uggs outlet, nike air max uk, coach outlet

oakleyses said...

vans outlet, lululemon, valentino shoes, nike air max, wedding dresses, nike roshe run, p90x workout, reebok outlet, chi flat iron, jimmy choo outlet, herve leger, baseball bats, timberland boots, soccer shoes, instyler, mcm handbags, north face outlet, ray ban, converse outlet, iphone cases, babyliss, hermes belt, new balance shoes, mont blanc pens, lancel, louboutin, soccer jerseys, ghd hair, mac cosmetics, celine handbags, hollister, asics running shoes, ferragamo shoes, hollister, north face outlet, abercrombie and fitch, oakley, longchamp uk, vans, beats by dre, gucci, bottega veneta, ralph lauren, nike huaraches, nike air max, hollister clothing, insanity workout, nike trainers uk, nfl jerseys, converse

oakleyses said...

moncler, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, supra shoes, louis vuitton, pandora charms, louis vuitton, ugg pas cher, juicy couture outlet, marc jacobs, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, canada goose, canada goose outlet, moncler outlet, pandora jewelry, ugg, replica watches, wedding dresses, louis vuitton, toms shoes, karen millen uk, links of london, louis vuitton, montre pas cher, moncler, moncler uk, canada goose jackets, canada goose, ugg uk, coach outlet, canada goose uk, canada goose, hollister, doudoune moncler, louis vuitton, swarovski, moncler, swarovski crystal, moncler outlet, juicy couture outlet, moncler, thomas sabo, canada goose outlet, pandora uk, canada goose outlet, pandora jewelry